With the arrival of spring, comes the need to lose my "winter coat" hairstyle-wise. In our last Blog, you met some friends of mine who have a vested interest in my hairstyle. What follows is our discussion:
TERRY: Alright fellas, it's time for our regular hairstyle meeting. Let's take attendance. Mili-Terry?
MILI-TERRY: SIR, YES SIR!
TERRY: Contemporary Terry?
CONTEMPORARY TERRY: Right on time.
TERRY: Punk Terry?
PUNK TERRY: h3r3!
TERRY: Hippie Terry?
HIPPIE TERRY: Here, that is, if any of us are truly here.
TERRY: We'll get to that in another meeting, Hippie.
HIPPIE TERRY: Get to what?
TERRY: [SIGH] Never mind. Okay, let's talk hair.
HIPPIE TERRY: Aw, bummer. That's what this meeting is about?
MILI-TERRY: SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLE, MAGGOT!
PUNK TERRY: back 0ff u fasc1$t!
TERRY: Guys, guys, calm down. We're going to take turns like we always do.
HIPPIE TERRY: Like, whatever man. I haven't been the hairstyle of choice for, like 8 years, man.
TERRY: Well, no.
HIPPIE TERRY: Come on, man. Remember all the good times we had together? Seriously, do you? Cuz, I don't.
TERRY: See, that's part of your problem. You don't exactly scream "I'm responsible".
HIPPIE TERRY: Hey man, I never affected your work ethic.
TERRY: Agreed, but you did restrict my opportunities. As much as you don't like it, a lot of folks think that a guy with long hair isn't a good candidate for employment. Back in the day, it wasn't a problem. Today, however, I have a family to support.
HIPPIE TERRY: Your current employer hired you when you looked like me.
TERRY: Yes, they hired me over the phone, remember?
HIPPIE TERRY: No.
TERRY: I'm not surprised. Punk Terry, would you like to go next?
PUNK ROCK TERRY: try 2 st0p mi!
TERRY: I wouldn't dream of it...
PUNK ROCK TERRY: IM @ll @b0ut $tand1ng 0ut 1n @ cr0wd! IM teh cl0$3$t th1ng to teh h1pp1e ur g01ng 2 g3t w1th0ut @ll teh stup1d ha1r!
TERRY: That's true. With you, I do get the counter-culture feel of Hippie without all of the hair...
HIPPIE TERRY: Are you kidding me, man? What about the hair-helmet?
TERRY: Yeah, that's true. Go into hair helmet mode once, Punk.
PUNK ROCK TERRY: [SIGH] Fine. Are you happy now?
TERRY: Not really. That's just not the optimal look.
PUNK ROCK TERRY: Tell me about it. Let�s just g0 Punk @ll teh t1m3!
TERRY: I'd love to, but that brings about the same issues that Hippie has, employment-wise. Besides, you require a lot of hair care product to maintain.
PUNK ROCK TERRY: wh3n teh r3v0lut10n c0m3s, 1�ll b wa1t1ng.
TERRY: I'm sure you will. Mili-Terry?
MILI-TERRY: SIR, YES SIR!
TERRY: Please present your case.
MILI-TERRY: SIR, YES SIR! SIR, I AM THE MOST EFFICIENT STYLE IN OUR ARSENAL, SIR! I HAVE NO NEED OF STYLING PRODUCTS, SIR! SPRING IS HERE AND SUMMER WILL SOON FOLLOW, SIR! I AM PERFECT FOR WARMER WEATHER CONDITIONS, SIR! I AM THE BEST CHOICE FOR OPERATION: HAIRCUT, SIR!
TERRY: But what about the fact that Mrs. Stevens isn't as fond of you as your brethren?
MILI-TERRY: SIR, THAT IS REGRETABLE, SIR! I...I...I...GOT NUTHIN', SIR.
TERRY: At ease, soldier.
MILI-TERRY: SIR, YES SIR!
TERRY: Contemporary Terry, you've been rather quiet so far.
CONTEMPORARY TERRY: What's there to say? I've won this thing more times than I can count. Sure, Mili-Terry picks up a win every now and then when you try something experimental that ends in disaster and have to buzz everything off to look normal. In the end, you always come back to me. Safe, semi-stylish and easy.
TERRY: You are safe, semi-stylish and easy and that's why I'm not a big fan of yours. I really do prefer a more counter-culture look...
HIPPIE TERRY: Right on, man!
PUNK ROCK TERRY: w00t!
TERRY: But, I have to work within the system at large.
MILI-TERRY: SIR, WELL PUT, SIR!
CONTEMPORARY TERRY: My thoughts exactly.
TERRY: Of course, cutting my own hair leaves me with few options and you four seem to be it. Luckily, the new Great Clips on Stewart Avenue in Wausau is doing cuts for just $3.99 all week long. I'll see what they can do for us. Which one of you wants to handle the Blog sign-off?
HIPPIE TERRY: Sure! Wait. What?
TERRY: Punk?
PUNK ROCK TERRY: B k3wl
TERRY: On second thought, I need someone who can say it in English. Mili?
MILI-TERRY: SIR! BE CO...
TERRY: Ow! Somebody who can do it without yelling.
CONTEMPORARY TERRY: Oh, sure. Now you want me. I don't think so.
TERRY: [SIGH] Fine, I'll do it myself.
Be Cool,
TS